OK, I don't think this will really be a saga in the sense that it will be long but that title had more a ring to it than Sister Drama, which is really what this post is about.
OMG! I have an older sister that thinks she is gay now and a younger sister who doesn't want to live anymore. How much more drama can we add to this? Plenty, if I was still the same person I was four years ago. I would be on that band wagon in a minute, moaning and swooning every turn of how messed up my life is. Luckily for me I am not that person. Now I just whine & get dizzy. Not quite where I want to be when theatricals occur. Hence the reason I am now typing on this blog at 11:10 at night instead of in bed like I should be.
Stupidly while I was on Facebook this evening I clicked on my older sister's page/link. Like I said stupid. I already know what I am going to find, I already know that what I find will set me off, I already have been obsessing with the down-ward spirial of my sister. So I click. I am not disappointed. Post after post is made of how she "loves" her new found girlfriend and how she is "standing strong now" after "hiding it for so long". All she had to do was "kick that f******* guy to the curb" and "what took her so long" but she is "so happy now". She also can't wait to meet with her "girlfriend's family" for Thanksgiving. Ummmm...excuse me, just two years ago she was posting the VERY same about her new boyfriend & his family. So I guess if history hold true, in two years we will have another post of a new "whatever" and her excitement of meeting "who's ever family".
Is there a detection of anger here? I didn't think so either.
So I call my sponsor. Good move on my part. I rant (whine & get dizzy but not moaning & swooning). She listens. Helps me re-understand that my sister is in pain and protecting herself the best way she can right now. Ablete in a very bad way that will cause much pain and suffering later in life but protecting herself non-the-less. I start to calm down and actually feel bad for my sister going through this, though she herself doesn't see it.
I call my younger sister. Good/bad move on my part.
I start right in on how what I just went over with my sponsor, talk for a good five or seven minutes then finally let her have a say in the conversation. What she says floors me. She is really glad I called because she was just about to give up and end it all. Maybe that is why God had me call she says. She cries, I cry. We say how much we love eachother. I share with her how we may not be the family that we invision but that doesn't mean we don't love eachother. If that was the case then I wouldn't be so angry with our older sister. I just wouldn't care what she did with her life. We cry some more but have to hang up so she can get out in the cold damp evening at 8:10 to take her married "boyfriend" a sandwich when he gets off work.
Excuse me again but is there a connection here with the sucidial thoughts and the actions she is doing? She can't go volunteer somewhere, go to a bible study or work out but she can get out and take him a sandwich??? But it's ok because she won't even get out of the car, just give him the sandwhich called her for and leave.
I think I have ranted enough and will go swoon now.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I Met My Son's Mother Today
'Fresh peas? He grew up eating fresh peas?'
Laughter circles the table as Taylor looks down like he is examining his old lunch tray.
"They weren't even green! More like a camouflage army brown!" He exclaims, his eyes as wide as they probably were the day he first encountered canned peas.
"We always ate frozen peas at home." His mom explains. "I'll never forget when he came home," here she scrunches her face then continues "and said 'Mom, I don't like their peas - they're not even green!"
I chuckle as my mind simultaneously see a little Taylor looking up at his mom bewildred at the brown peas served at school while also thinking 'my kids didn't even get canned peas served with their dinner.' I don't like peas - fresh, frozen or canned, so they were never served. I also noted that this would be one of many, many experiences that Taylor grew up with that my children did not. I don't chalk it up to being better - just different.
Nerves still wracked my body as I looked around at everyone around the table. Taylor is there with his wife, Danielle, sitting to his right. To the left of him is his mother, Kathleen and next to her is his dad, Mark. Across the table, to Danielle's right is JB, then me and then Daniel, our yougest. He was only one of our kids that was able to make it to Taylor's birthday get together.
I look at Mark & Kathleen - there sit the people that raised our baby. Not that he is a baby any longer. It was 24 years ago to this day that my heart began to ache and their's started to heal.
I remember laying on the couch, a few days from being released from the hospital - my milk was coming in, I had a hole in my heart the size of the earth and my arms literally felt empty. As tears flowed from my eyes and soul I kept thinking, almost like a mantra "One person's pain is another person's joy". Was it a prayer? I don't know. All I felt was an overwhelming void that cosumed my whole being yet knew at that same moment completeness encompassed another. The gift of life had not been granted to this precious baby alone; but to a family.
I've never questioned why God chose us to give this baby life. Actually - this may be the first time I have ever really considered that question. I have just always known, from the very moment I realized I was pregnant, that I was to give him life and another was to raise him. I don't know if I will ever know the answer to that particular question. But I think it may be one of many times where God takes a bad situation and makes it good. The answer really doesn't matter to me. Because I met my son's mother today. God brought us together 24 years ago - today I got to say thank you.
Thank you Kathleen - for loving Taylor, caring for him, for raising him. He truly is a miracle of God.
And foremost, I thank you my dear Lord Jesus for letting me be a part of this miracle. My arms no longer ache, my heart is filled with joy and my hurt has been replaced with everlasting love.
Laughter circles the table as Taylor looks down like he is examining his old lunch tray.
"They weren't even green! More like a camouflage army brown!" He exclaims, his eyes as wide as they probably were the day he first encountered canned peas.
"We always ate frozen peas at home." His mom explains. "I'll never forget when he came home," here she scrunches her face then continues "and said 'Mom, I don't like their peas - they're not even green!"
I chuckle as my mind simultaneously see a little Taylor looking up at his mom bewildred at the brown peas served at school while also thinking 'my kids didn't even get canned peas served with their dinner.' I don't like peas - fresh, frozen or canned, so they were never served. I also noted that this would be one of many, many experiences that Taylor grew up with that my children did not. I don't chalk it up to being better - just different.
Nerves still wracked my body as I looked around at everyone around the table. Taylor is there with his wife, Danielle, sitting to his right. To the left of him is his mother, Kathleen and next to her is his dad, Mark. Across the table, to Danielle's right is JB, then me and then Daniel, our yougest. He was only one of our kids that was able to make it to Taylor's birthday get together.
I look at Mark & Kathleen - there sit the people that raised our baby. Not that he is a baby any longer. It was 24 years ago to this day that my heart began to ache and their's started to heal.
I remember laying on the couch, a few days from being released from the hospital - my milk was coming in, I had a hole in my heart the size of the earth and my arms literally felt empty. As tears flowed from my eyes and soul I kept thinking, almost like a mantra "One person's pain is another person's joy". Was it a prayer? I don't know. All I felt was an overwhelming void that cosumed my whole being yet knew at that same moment completeness encompassed another. The gift of life had not been granted to this precious baby alone; but to a family.
I've never questioned why God chose us to give this baby life. Actually - this may be the first time I have ever really considered that question. I have just always known, from the very moment I realized I was pregnant, that I was to give him life and another was to raise him. I don't know if I will ever know the answer to that particular question. But I think it may be one of many times where God takes a bad situation and makes it good. The answer really doesn't matter to me. Because I met my son's mother today. God brought us together 24 years ago - today I got to say thank you.
Thank you Kathleen - for loving Taylor, caring for him, for raising him. He truly is a miracle of God.
And foremost, I thank you my dear Lord Jesus for letting me be a part of this miracle. My arms no longer ache, my heart is filled with joy and my hurt has been replaced with everlasting love.
Friday, April 8, 2011
First - this is NOT a review.
It is simply a reader that is expressing what she thought of a book. Yes, I know that is what a review is but I don't feel I am qualified to be a reviewer. I haven't written a book, I have not study anything in college. I'm just a person that likes to read and talk about the book I read. So with that I will share my thoughts:
When I first started the book "The Duke's Handmaiden" by Caprice Hokstad I was not really sure what to expect. A wonderful friend has just read it and it has remained heavily on her mind. I love books like that. They can and do form how I view the world, hence the reason I am more vigilant now about what I read and by whom. I would have liked to read this book without "knowing" the author. I say "knowing" as the only thing I really know is that she is Christian. I loved what she said in an interview recently regarding Christian books "A Christian is a Christ-follower. A book is not a Christ-follower." I need to remember that when I read books that are written by follow Christians. My fault is that I was looking for something that was Christ-like throughout the whole book. Actually - I do this with everything I read now. So I probably would have looked even if I hadn't know she was sister-in-Christ. I wasn't disappointed but it also didn't work out the way I thought.
A quick RD run down of the book: In a fantasy world a young, lower-class, inferior-race woman decides she wants to become a slave. This is her journey and why she decides this. I don't know if it was my wonderful friend or the author herself that said it was a "non-traditional romance novel." A few days ago I would have agreed, but the more I "simmer" in my thoughts of the book - the more I believe that not to be true.
I loved how the story starts with the main character finding a place where she feels she truly belongs. It where she finds love, serenity, comfort and hope. All things she’s never had and/or experienced before. She will also do anything to maintain this - even becoming a slave. I understood this and could totally relate. I to have been lost and found of place of love, serenity, comfort and hope in my Lord Jesus Christ. I, too will do anything to maintain this - even becoming his slave. Of course the physical way I became a slave for Christ and the way our heroine does are totally different but the meaning felt the same. She will do anything her master asks of her, knowing he cares for her and will never require her to put herself in harms way. But if he did, she also knows in her heart there would be a reason for it and she will oblige without any qualms. I feel the same way. I will do anything the good Lord asks of me and, I hope, I would be able to do the unimaginable (thinking Abraham here) all the while knowing that He will take care of everything and it is for His purpose.
I was drawn in on the development of their relationship. At times I could see Christ our heroine - her self sacrifice, her true desire to do what ever her master asks of her and how she truly believed in her master. I could even see God’s characteristics in the hero by bringing vengeance on those that purposely defile what is his, how he loved his slaves. He even invites our heroine on to his lap, gently caressing her hair as she fell asleep. To me one of the ultimate ways a father holds his daughter, with love, serenity, comfort and hope.
I genuinely comprehended her choices in most of the book. Until chapter 34 or so. That is when it becomes a true romance novel, nothing non-traditional. Well, that isn’t correct. Our heroine and hero didn’t have sex before they were “married” and if they did after, it was in the privacy of their room without our watching eyes. but once we hit that mark I was disappointed in the way the story went. But it is here that I realized that this was going to be a regular romance novel. Our heroine does everything perfectly - always doing the right thing for the right reasons. Never getting upset, not a tinsy bit, that no one else if “pulling their weight”. She accepts life as it comes and only decides to do something when her master is in danger.
In fear of giving the ending away, it is only when she lies on deaths door does our handsome hero see what was always before him, changes his ways and gives his love back. Well, that isn’t right either. Both their love for each other had changed - they became human again and it became a romance story. To me, it would have been a “non-traditional” romance novel if they didn’t get together that way. If both their love for each other stayed just as it was - master and slave, protector and guide.
When I first started the book "The Duke's Handmaiden" by Caprice Hokstad I was not really sure what to expect. A wonderful friend has just read it and it has remained heavily on her mind. I love books like that. They can and do form how I view the world, hence the reason I am more vigilant now about what I read and by whom. I would have liked to read this book without "knowing" the author. I say "knowing" as the only thing I really know is that she is Christian. I loved what she said in an interview recently regarding Christian books "A Christian is a Christ-follower. A book is not a Christ-follower." I need to remember that when I read books that are written by follow Christians. My fault is that I was looking for something that was Christ-like throughout the whole book. Actually - I do this with everything I read now. So I probably would have looked even if I hadn't know she was sister-in-Christ. I wasn't disappointed but it also didn't work out the way I thought.
A quick RD run down of the book: In a fantasy world a young, lower-class, inferior-race woman decides she wants to become a slave. This is her journey and why she decides this. I don't know if it was my wonderful friend or the author herself that said it was a "non-traditional romance novel." A few days ago I would have agreed, but the more I "simmer" in my thoughts of the book - the more I believe that not to be true.
I loved how the story starts with the main character finding a place where she feels she truly belongs. It where she finds love, serenity, comfort and hope. All things she’s never had and/or experienced before. She will also do anything to maintain this - even becoming a slave. I understood this and could totally relate. I to have been lost and found of place of love, serenity, comfort and hope in my Lord Jesus Christ. I, too will do anything to maintain this - even becoming his slave. Of course the physical way I became a slave for Christ and the way our heroine does are totally different but the meaning felt the same. She will do anything her master asks of her, knowing he cares for her and will never require her to put herself in harms way. But if he did, she also knows in her heart there would be a reason for it and she will oblige without any qualms. I feel the same way. I will do anything the good Lord asks of me and, I hope, I would be able to do the unimaginable (thinking Abraham here) all the while knowing that He will take care of everything and it is for His purpose.
I was drawn in on the development of their relationship. At times I could see Christ our heroine - her self sacrifice, her true desire to do what ever her master asks of her and how she truly believed in her master. I could even see God’s characteristics in the hero by bringing vengeance on those that purposely defile what is his, how he loved his slaves. He even invites our heroine on to his lap, gently caressing her hair as she fell asleep. To me one of the ultimate ways a father holds his daughter, with love, serenity, comfort and hope.
I genuinely comprehended her choices in most of the book. Until chapter 34 or so. That is when it becomes a true romance novel, nothing non-traditional. Well, that isn’t correct. Our heroine and hero didn’t have sex before they were “married” and if they did after, it was in the privacy of their room without our watching eyes. but once we hit that mark I was disappointed in the way the story went. But it is here that I realized that this was going to be a regular romance novel. Our heroine does everything perfectly - always doing the right thing for the right reasons. Never getting upset, not a tinsy bit, that no one else if “pulling their weight”. She accepts life as it comes and only decides to do something when her master is in danger.
In fear of giving the ending away, it is only when she lies on deaths door does our handsome hero see what was always before him, changes his ways and gives his love back. Well, that isn’t right either. Both their love for each other had changed - they became human again and it became a romance story. To me, it would have been a “non-traditional” romance novel if they didn’t get together that way. If both their love for each other stayed just as it was - master and slave, protector and guide.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Nothing new....
I was trying to respond to a friend's post when I logged myself out, came back on and was brought to my post. It has been almost 2 months (1 day shy actually) since I have posted. Well, that is the way it looked to me. I didn't really investigate it. Just saw a date, thought "wow - I probably ought to blog about something" and WHAM - here I am.
I titled this nothing new but this isn't really true. I have a job now. Part time (19 hours) that I really like. A serious no-brainer job that gets me out of the house and still gives me some satisfaction that I am doing something for someone else. Best of all - I get paid for it! How cool is that?
A lot is going on in the world today, scary stuff to me. It may or may not be the end times but things are differently changing and I fear not for the better. Maybe it is age but it seems to me that people are wanting/demanding more w/o working for it. I am no better really. Yet with me I see that I want more with out working and realize that I will not have it if I don't. I am not demanding anyone give me anything that I don't work for. I am thankful that there are options out there for me to utilize to help my grandson but I do not in any way see or feel that is a "right" that I "should" have. And really - if I could control it we would NOT be using medicare to get this help. He would be on my husband's insurance like he should be, letting us pay for the services he needs. And if we don't pay - we don't get the help. That simple. What is so hard for people to see this? Good gravy!
Went to church today. No, it did not fall into the earth and no, lighting did not struck the building. My wonderful friend keeps telling me that I need to get in with a church so I will have a safe place to go and be known when things get weird. I feel it in my bones that things are getting weird and I do need to get that connection going. And of course, how can you go wrong going to a place that will help me with my relationship with Christ? This is a no-brainer - it just takes effort and THAT I am not very good at anymore. Truly I was blessed today with Christ waking both my grandson and I up. Well, He does that every Sunday - today I took advantage and went. Finally!
Hugs & God bless!
I titled this nothing new but this isn't really true. I have a job now. Part time (19 hours) that I really like. A serious no-brainer job that gets me out of the house and still gives me some satisfaction that I am doing something for someone else. Best of all - I get paid for it! How cool is that?
A lot is going on in the world today, scary stuff to me. It may or may not be the end times but things are differently changing and I fear not for the better. Maybe it is age but it seems to me that people are wanting/demanding more w/o working for it. I am no better really. Yet with me I see that I want more with out working and realize that I will not have it if I don't. I am not demanding anyone give me anything that I don't work for. I am thankful that there are options out there for me to utilize to help my grandson but I do not in any way see or feel that is a "right" that I "should" have. And really - if I could control it we would NOT be using medicare to get this help. He would be on my husband's insurance like he should be, letting us pay for the services he needs. And if we don't pay - we don't get the help. That simple. What is so hard for people to see this? Good gravy!
Went to church today. No, it did not fall into the earth and no, lighting did not struck the building. My wonderful friend keeps telling me that I need to get in with a church so I will have a safe place to go and be known when things get weird. I feel it in my bones that things are getting weird and I do need to get that connection going. And of course, how can you go wrong going to a place that will help me with my relationship with Christ? This is a no-brainer - it just takes effort and THAT I am not very good at anymore. Truly I was blessed today with Christ waking both my grandson and I up. Well, He does that every Sunday - today I took advantage and went. Finally!
Hugs & God bless!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)