How do you help someone when the source of their pain is a part of you that you had nurtured and raised?  Nurtured?  No, if I had done that then there is a great possibility that the position we are in now would not be. 

I can't blame all of it on myself but I did lay the faulty foundation that my daughter tries to build her life on.  Due to that cracked upheaval landscape everything she tries to place upon it becomes uneven and lopsided.  Now the faintest breeze causes splintered breaks and monumental crashes.  So when the dust finally settles and the air is cleared my grandson is left standing covered in the settlement of my faults and disservice.

I look across that desolate field and ask myself "How can God turn this horrific event into good?"  But I know He can, I know He will.  It is only with that faith in His almighty power that allows me to cross over that rubble I had created so long ago and gently lift my little E into my arms and try to kiss those brandishing gashes left on him. 

Only because of God's grace am I now able to look at what I had done, see where I am and know that my service to Him today can overcome all.  What I need to remember in my tiny human brain is it will work in HIS time - not mine.  God reminds me of this by reaching out and telling me through His other servants.  This time it was on the radio program Turning Point.

The morning after a horror stricken evening with my grandson that left me in tears and him curled up with hurt, anxiousness and pain, I turned on the radio to hear this message from God...

Sometimes we get the prayer knocked right out of us.  We become lost in what to say, how to ask or even how to do it.  But He is still there.  He knows and He is listening, even if I don't know what to say.

It was like that for me last Thursday night.  I don't know what is going on inside my daughter, why she is distancing herself from her son.  I do know, or think I know, it would be one of two reasons: 1) Other things have become a priority to her or 2) her pain is so great that she can not step out of it to see what it is doing to him.  Either way the out come is the same - E is left with a hole in his heart that only God can fill. 

My responsibility is to guide him on the path to God.  E's responsibility is to follow that path.  Only he can make that choice, it is only between him and God.  I can not make it for him nor will I be a part of it when it happens.  I can only share the witnessing of that wonderful relationship either here on earth or in heaven.

This causes anxiousness that permanents my heart and soul as my human mind wants to know now that he will chose this path.  I want to know now that he will be safe and whole. 

Roman 8:28.  It helps some.  Renews my faith and keeps my faith in God, for me.  But what if E doesn't come to God?  That is what I want to know, will he?  This is a prayer that has not been knocked out of me.